Dating While Ill-Equiped

I am one to share my triumphs and trials as a means to be a blessing to others.  I mean why, allow someone to go through the pain of something you've experienced, if you can help.  Right?  So allow me to share with you an experience of my failed attempt at dating while ill-equipped.

I have been divorced for a year now and called myself "grown" enough to date.  Boy, was I wrong.!!  But that is okay.  Why?  Because I've learned that we win some and we learn some.  Plus I believe that all things truly do work together for my good and nothing is ever a wasted experience.

The gentleman I was seeing was someone I thought was "safe," someone I have known for a few years and appeared to be a good guy.  Yes, I still believe he is a good guy but just like most of us, he has baggage from his past.  Now, I could have easily blamed things not working between the two of us solely on him.  But that is both unfair and inaccurate.  It truly takes two to make or break a relationship of any nature and granted we both played our part, I can only own and correct things from my end.

As I write this I am laughing at myself because I swore that I was ready to conquer the dating scene.  Sadly, that was not the case because I thought I came off confidently but in reality to the opposite sex I wreaked of desperation and uncertainty.  Like I said I believe all things really do work for the good, being divorced and raising a child alone at this time, I subconsciously internalized that as a failure and something I did wrong.  And because of that assessment I was attracting into my life people and things that directly reflected that, "hey, Cyrelle, really isn't feeling that great about herself."

It wasn't until I was ready to be truthful and honest could I begin the healing process necessary to move on with my life beyond my past.  I had to look myself in the mirror and say, "yes, you've made some mistakes and lost somethings but you are not what you've been through, so get up and KEEP LIVING." 

This is something I have to tell myself daily, there are times I have to say it all day long but it is something that helps me be better equipped for life in all aspects especially dating.  The great thing about doing this self-assessment and not playing the blame game, is it  helps me to deal with past issues and all residual past relationships that I was carrying around with me.  I am learning daily that driving while texting is not the only dangerous activities people engage into but so is dating while ill-equipped. 

How many of us are guilty of  masking lust for love due to loneliness and fear?  How many of us are making permanent life choices based upon limited yet ever changing emotions?  I know dating can be fun but it can also be reckless, if one is not emotionally mature nor healthy enough.  So before you or I embark upon dating make sure that you are equipped and prepared to handle it.

Now excuse me as I prepare for my date with someone I love dearly.  That's right, ME

Remember only you can prevent toxic relationships from staying in your life.

EmpoweredSingleMom: The Importance of Understanding your Role as eithe...

Yesterday, I was blessed to receive so many positive affirmations and well-wishes for Mother's Day. But I did receive some that I had to correct. A few people who I know love me wished me both a Happy Mother's Day and a Happy Father's Day in advance. Now this is just my personal feelings but I do not nor will I ever accept Father's Day wishes. Why? Well since I'm all 100% woman that is reason enough but let me explain further for my request to not accept this label.

As a single parent all/majority of the responsibility of caring for your child/children falls upon your shoulders. However, being a single parent is just that one parent, whether you are a single father or a single mother, attempting to play the role of both father and mother is not only impossible but abnormal. As a single mother I am very mindful of doing what I can as a mother and areas where a man is needed I either call my father or accept that right now this area will have to be addressed either when I remarry or Bryce's father steps into the picture.

The thought of confusing my son with thinking that I am capable of filling both roles of mommy and daddy even though God has graced me to be pretty amazing, I cannot do everything by myself. I can never be a man or my son's daddy so with that I am forever and proudly "Mommy." Now, there have been some activities that I use to believe were reserved for daddy but I had to learn to get past and just do, like wrestling, playing catch, or playing cars. But trying to fool myself into thinking that I can take the place of daddy in Bryce's life, clearly would have a disastrous outcome. I always try to explain or live out that I am mommy and somethings I'm unable to do but I do everything within my human ability to ensure that my son does not miss out because he is currently being raised in a single parent home. I also explain that both his mother and father loves him despite living in two different homes and no matter what God takes great care of us always.

The Importance of Understanding your Role as either a Single Mother or Father

 Yesterday, I was blessed to receive so many positive affirmations and well-wishes for Mother's Day.  But I did receive some that I had to correct. A few people who I know love me wished me both a Happy Mother's Day and a Happy Father's Day in advance.  Now this is just my personal feelings but I do not nor will I ever accept Father's Day wishes.  Why? Well since I'm all 100% woman that is reason enough but let me explain further for my request to not accept this label.

As a single parent all/majority of the responsibility of caring for your child/children falls upon your shoulders.   However, being a single parent is just that one parent, whether you are a single father or a single mother, attempting to play the role of both father and mother is not only impossible but abnormal. As a single mother I am very mindful of doing what I can as a mother and areas where a man is needed I either call my father or accept that right now this area will have to be addressed either when I remarry or Bryce's father steps into the picture.

The thought of confusing my son with thinking that I am capable of filling both roles of mommy and daddy even though God has graced me to be pretty amazing, I cannot do everything by myself.  I can never be a man or my son's daddy so with that I am forever and proudly "Mommy."  Now, there have been some activities that I use to believe were reserved for daddy but I had to learn to get past and just do, like wrestling, playing catch, or playing cars.   But trying to fool myself into thinking that I can take the place of daddy in Bryce's life, clearly would have a disastrous outcome.  I always try to explain or live out that I am mommy and somethings I'm unable to do but I do everything within my human ability to ensure that my son does not miss out because he is currently being raised in a single parent home.  I also explain that both his mother and father loves him despite living in two different homes and no matter what God takes great care of us always.

Being a single parent doesn't mean you stop LIVING.

As a single mother, I've had to learn quickly how to multi-task within the smallest time frames humanly possible.  With the ever growing demands of a very active and busy 2 year old son, majority of my time consists of mommy duty.  Any single parent understands that all too well, that being a solo parent requires you having to be on call 24/7 while attempting to squeeze yourself somewhere in the equation.

Me time has become an almost distant memory but not an everyday, every week, or even an every month occurrence.  For me I struggled with guilt during the times I desired just a few moments to pamper and celebrate myself.  The thought of actually taking some time to live and experience life as a healthy, young, and vibrant woman who is more than just a mother seemed unrealistic.

I began to think where did it say that just because I was raising my child by myself, living and experiencing life to the fullest no longer existed?  I sat down and began to think of all the things I wanted to experience and what was preventing me from experiencing them. And you know what I discovered, I was my own obstacle.  Being a single mother did not hinder nor prevent me from living life, it just required more strategic planning and commitment to getting outside my comfort zone and live.

I have comprised a list of places and things that I have never experienced whether locally in my state or out of town.  Each month I have tackled one item on my list and as I experience it, I check it off.  The goal of my list is to force me to grow, go, explore, and live.  I am in the process of creating a legacy for my son that regardless of the circumstances, life does not stop, so why should you?

Memories are being created daily and I want when my son looks back, he saw that his mother lived life and taught him how to do so. Each month I'm choosing to live life on purpose.

So what is stopping you from living and actually experiencing life?